Shit gets real

Hello sweet blog of mine!

Things are starting to come together for the big move. Last week I absolutely nailed a job interview for the after school program in my area. I was blown away by how much thought and care is put into this amazing program. Since my schedule blows this coming semester its looking like I'll be a substitute leader on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which is kind of lame in the aspect of I don't know when I'll be working and that means I may not be making any money for a while. But on the other hand that means I can visit all 25 sites (yes 25 sites because I'm qualified to work with K-6th grade now that I have my associates degree) and make connections with the leaders who may request me for their site. I also have the option to say no! If I'm swamped with studying and don't feel like working on a Tuesday I have the option to say "no thanks" which is perfect for starting my first semester at a real big girl school. But when I spoke to the coordinator she mentioned the possibility of creating a position for two days a week.....hmmmm..... they did really seem to like me :) Everyone I met at the interview was so unbelievably nice. Everyone just wants to be friends! Which is exactly what I need when I'm moving 7 hours away to a town where I know a total of 3 people.

My roommate Bry and I also met! This was the scariest part of the entire trip up because from my previous experience living in Santa Barbara, I know how your life can become hell when you don't like your roommate. It couldn't of gone more perfect though! We both have a lot of the same tastes and she is so laid-back. We have the same mindset for the next 2 years at CSUC, study hard and party sometimes! I can totally see us being such great friends which is what I want/need in my life right now. Living with people isn't easy but I have to remember that it isn't the end of the world. If I remember to speak up when I'm not happy and not bottle things up inside I know it'll all be okay. We have been texting each other planning the color scheme for our bathroom and I just know its going to be adorable.

With all this exciting stuff going on my anxiety has been a little higher than it normally is. My lovely (lol jk) ex decided to text me while I was in the car on the way to Chico. Don't worry guys, it only took him a year to realize that he wasn't very nice to me. I took the opportunity to tell him how happy I am we broke up and I'm on the path to success. He took the opportunity to tell me he's going to Mexico....lol. It kind of made me a little panicky because I thought maybe he saw my last blog post? Why was he suddenly thinking of me? I hate that he still texts me sometimes. I always wonder when he's going to bother me again. This has kind of spiraled into stress about my move. Although I'm excited and happy for this, the unknown has always made me want to stay locked up in my room. I had to rush out of TJ Maxx while I was looking at shower curtains because I felt like everyone was staring at me and I was going to have a panic attack.

Depression and anxiety is no joke. And although I am doing really great right now, I am trying to mentally prepare myself because I know it won't stay like this forever. I think as long as I stay busy and real put all my energy into school I'll be able to overcome any major obstacles in the future.

So the next 3 weeks will be spent packing up my room forever. Whenever I've left and came home to my mom I was always able to stay in my room. But I'm taking my bed!! So whenever I come home I'll have to stay in the guest room. How freaking weird is that.

Shit is getting real.

Fuck.