Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The summer is magic

You're sitting in your room. 
Alone. Like, extremely alone.
Pretty depressed. 

You have one thing that makes you happy. And it's 8 weeks at a beautiful place in Glen Spey, NY. 

Here's the challenge. The one person you don't want to see on this planet will be standing on the sidelines the entire time.

I could of easily said no fucking way am I going through that. I've been through enough. 

But then I think of my campers, who text me begging me to be their counselor again. I think of my best friend who is going to experience the magic that camp creates for the first time. I think of the counselors in my bunk that become my best friends (literally) in the entire world. 

I think of the boy that catches your eye at the beginning of camp. And even though it's only for 8 weeks, nothing can take away the feeling of kissing in the New York rain and watching the stars by the boating dock.

I can sit here and tell you how awkward it is to have your ex boyfriend stare at you constantly. But it isn't about that. It's about dancing in the social hall with aching feet with your new friends from around the world. It's about an Irish guy grabbing you and spinning you around in front of a circle of people. It's about being so tired at the end of the day, but doubling that feeling in happiness.


I can't believe I almost missed this.
I hope all of you are having half as much fun as I am this summer.

Much love,
Jen

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

What I miss when I'm away from home

Officially one week before I leave for New York City. And 11 days until I'm wearing my staff shirt, greeting new counselors before we get on the bus to camp. It feels like just yesterday I was in the middle of Manhattan, surrounded by drunk Brits, crying my eyes out because that was the last time I was going to see majority of those people.

Here we are 10 months later! My stuff is pretty much packed, I have my things ready to be shipped to camp, and I am just as nervous as I was last year.

Obviously we know I love camp. Otherwise I wouldn't be putting myself through this again. But it's the hardest job I'll ever love. I'm not the type to pretend here. Going away from home and basically away from the outside world for 2 months can be difficult. There is a lot of things I'm going to miss.

Waking up whenever I want is one thing that does not happen at camp. I'm up at 7 am for 8 weeks straight. Even on my days off I don't get to sleep in. Those sweet little campers of mine think it's funny to ask me to brush their hair and get their clothes when I'm trying to hibernate. I'm flattered they want me to do it, but ughhhhhh!!!!

Hot Cheetos don't exist in New York. They can't handle the spicy.

Big Bertha (my car) is terribly missed during camp. The taxi service is horrendous and not dependable. And last year some people with cars left me and a few others stranded on the side of the road. I really hope I have a day off with a nice person with a car. I'll give you all my hot cheetos that get sent to camp.

I miss my dogs a lot during camp.

My hair misses the dry heat of California. We don't do well with humidity. But its camp, hair and make up are the last priority.

Bacon. Kosher camp problems.

Real Mexican food is not real Mexican food outside of Southern California and Mexico. I crave posole on rainy camp days.

Starbucks. Oh and In n Out.

Going to bed whenever I want. You're tired? Oh but you're on OD and can't go to sleep until a counselor from the bunk you're watching comes back. Which could be midnight. And when you aren't on OD, you're going to want to stay out of the bunk as long as possible because it's what you've looked forward to all day long. Especially those long romantic walks down to boating!! Can't give that up for sleep!!

Here's the thing. I would gladly give all that up for just a few more days with my kids at the end of the summer. Yeah us counselors have our moments, where we sit on our beds and gossip with each other about what we miss from home. But when your campers won't let you leave the bunk without a hug goodnight, or when they beg you to be their counselor next year, it is all worth it. Camp is a magical place that makes you realize things about yourself that you didn't think were possible.


10 days before I'm on this crazy journey once again.

Much love,
Jen

Friday, June 6, 2014

How not to tinder part II

One day I'm going to write about really powerful things. I'm going to change the world if you all haven't realized it. And I'm going to have extremely intellectual conversations about what I write with intelligent friends while drinking coffee at Urth CafĂ©. 


Today is not that day. 


I've talked about many things in my blog. And out of all my posts, my most popular has been "How not to tinder". You sick people love seeing creepy guys harass me on the internet. And you know what? I went right back and did it all over again. This time more creepy than ever before. 

So with that ladies and gentleman, I give you How Not To Tinder Part II



1. Giving small children alcohol
Is this supposed to be funny? Because my maternal instincts are telling me to call child protective services. Oh but at least we have a cooking show in common!!! What a keeper. 




2. What?
No but really what just happened?




3. Excessive messaging
You know a "hi how are you?" would of been fine. One message at a time boys, please!!!!





4. Photos of dead animals are a "no"
Welcome to America. Are girls actually impressed by this? I don't know if I want to throw up or cry. That poor baby coyote!!!! Take your murder elsewhere. 




5. Proper grammar is a must
I'd like to be able to understand what you're saying




6. Keep it classy
I wonder if he came up with that one himself. And if any girls out there genuinely found it funny. 




7. Pickup lines are stupid!
I hate them. So much. They aren't funny!!! And even worse is that he used the word "swerve". At least he left before it got worse. 




8. Keep it real
Your pink shirt makes me concerned. And then you had to make it really weird. I don't know, I just get a creepy vibe from any guy who wants to drink peach moscato and watch a chick flick. 




9. I don't hook up!!!!!!!!!






There you have it boys and girls. I never want to do this again.

I really need to meet a normal guy soon....





Much love,
Jen

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Worst week ever

Unable to sleep, I'm going to write a rambling post about nothing in particular to anyone else. But then again this blog was originally intended for that and I could honestly care less what anyone thinks. 

First off my heart is breaking after finding out that in fact I did know one of the victims of the events that took place in Isla Vista this past Friday. What hurts the most is that I cannot be there to support my friends as they try to go back to normalcy. It's been almost a year since I left Isla Vista, but it will always be a part of me and the stories I share. I am so sick of going on Facebook and seeing senseless comments and rude remarks and the Elliot Rodgers fan page. But this is beyond my control and I must do what I can from home. 

The worst part of growing up isn't paying bills or taxes, it's realizing what a terrifying place the world is. 

If any UCSB/SBCC friends are reading this, please know I am thinking about you all and wishing I could be there to rebuild the community that has been so amazing to us. I love you all and I know Peaches will be remembered in us all. 



I wrote a blog about dating last week. And I have found a new source of happiness in a new friend. Until I received this message this morning. 
Oh how I would of loved to not crop her name out, but as an aspiring professional something someday, I decided to protect some identities. I have never met this girl in my life. She is *presumably* the ex girlfriend of the guy I've hung out with 3 TIMES! And I get a message like this? Normally I would blow it off but after this past week I am on an emotional roller coaster. 

This girl knows absolutely nothing about me. Yet she would go out of her way to say something so hurtful? She has no idea what I've been through or what kind of person I am. Why are girls so vicious? I'm not out to hurt anyone or be mean! And I'm truly sorry she's so upset with me but c'mon is that the way to handle it? 


Girls are psychotic at times. But boys aren't so innocent either. Like my clingy ex who doesn't seem to understand that "STOP MESSAGING ME IM NOT YOUR FRIEND" truly means to stop talking to me. How many times will I have to go without responding to him before he understands? Oh and when will he stop asking my friends questions about me trying to get more information about what I'm up to? Frankly it's pathetic and annoying. You had your chance buddy. Let it go. 

Only 2 more weeks of school and 3 more weeks until I am finally free from this stupid town and I'll be eating $1 pizza in Central Park. Can't wait to see my kids from last summer, those crazy ones who make me pull my hair out and cry with laughter in a matter of 30 seconds. 


I just have to stay strong. 

Much love,
Jen

Saturday, May 24, 2014

We need gun control, and we need it now

Last night I was scrolling through Instagram. A friend had posted a transcript from police, talking about a shooting in Isla Vista. A student from my former college had killed 6 people at one of the most popular spots in IV.

I don't want to talk about it. I feel like every time someone shares a story about it on Facebook, this monster who did this is just being glorified and spreading his evil deed that much farther.

I miss Isla Vista with everything inside of me. I miss the beach. I miss constantly being surrounded by friends. I miss dancing until my feet hurt and laughing until I cried. Walking to Starbucks and studying for finals with a view of the ocean.

It could of easily been one of my friends.

It could of been me.

Not like this is the first mass shooting in American history. Not even the first school shooting. Yet nobody does a fucking thing to stop it.

What if it was your best friend? What if it was your brother or sister? Or your child? Are you still going to tell me you don't believe we need gun control reform?

I don't understand it. How people can look at me and say "the founding fathers of this country wrote the constitution and declared it my right to bare arms!!"

When they wrote the constitution, mentally ill people were not taking guns and killing masses of innocent people! A parent didn't have to worry about sending their child to school. A psychotic man didn't go into a movie theater and start murdering people. But now? You never know when or how it'll happen.

I'm not trying to take your gun from you, I'm trying to get it out of the wrong hands.

You have to take a test to drive a car, why can't we have evaluations to own a gun? Why can't we do SOMETHING to protect innocent lives?

I love being American. But today I am sad to associate myself with such a scary place.

Much love,
And many thoughts to the victims and families of the shooting in Isla Vista,
Jen

Monday, May 19, 2014

Dating is the worst

I am the queen of bad dates. As I have wrote in previous blogs, I haven't been surrounded by the nicest guys. I always blamed it on the types of guys in my home town, immaturity, or my bad taste. For the first time ever, I've had a really great date. Where I didn't feel uncomfortable or insecure. I smiled until my face hurt and I genuinely felt like he who shall remain nameless really enjoyed being around me. So since my blog is just full of embarrassing stories, here's another cringeworthy walk down the memory lane of terrible dates.

My first boyfriend wasn't a very nice guy. But being 15 I couldn't really make logical decisions when it came to boys. It was my 16th birthday and he said he would take me out to dinner. A few days earlier I had gotten $100 from my dad as a birthday present which was a huge deal for me at 16.  Boyfriend #1 knew I had gotten the money as a gift. We went to dinner and as soon as he ordered everything on the menu, he decided to tell me he left his wallet at home. Now I don't believe in the idea that the guy has to pay for everything. But it was my birthday dinner. If he was just honest with me and told me when he picked me up it wouldn't of been that big of a deal. I had to spend almost all my birthday money on that meal.

A few months later with Boyfriend #1, he attempted to redeem himself. My mom who obviously knew more than me at the time, didn't really trust this guy. She was always really strict with me but she was getting a bit ridiculous. She wanted to know where we were going, what Boyfriend #1's truck looked like, what time we would be there etc. Flash forward to us sitting in a booth by a window. I look up and I see my mom driving by really slowly and waving at us. She drove to the restaurant to make sure we were actually where we said we would be. Talk about an embarrassing date.

My senior year was spent talking to an old friend who was in the marines so we will call him Marine Man. He was deployed to Afghanistan and I really enjoyed sending him letters and care packages and when I finally got a phone call after weeks without hearing from him it seriously felt like Christmas. Marine Man had a lot of issues though. And he drank a lot once he got back to America. He was supposed to come home after his deployment and we had all these plans that seemed to be falling a part. I finally just stood up for myself and he "agreed" to take me to my favorite sushi place. I was so unbelievably nervous. My anxiety was through the roof and Marine Man could probably tell. About 10 minutes after sitting down I really didn't feel good and I must have looked it too. I ran off to the bathroom and tried to calm down and not puke. I felt better and came back to Marine Man asking me if I was pregnant. I definitely wasn't since I just spent 9 months talking to a guy on the other side of the world. He payed for dinner, dropped me off, never spoke to me again, and married my best friend from kindergarten. Good riddance!

One weekend I came home from college and decided to hangout with a guy I became friends with at a bar before I moved to Santa Barbara. This guy was already kind of a jerk and we will refer to him as Air Force Guy (don't judge this pattern, this is what happens when you live near a military base). He would call me when I was at school and ask when I'd be home so I finally gave him a chance when I was on break. Air Force Guy brought his Air Force friend who brought this slutty looking girl to dinner. And by dinner I mean Buffalo Wild Wings while the guys drank and screamed at whatever game was on. I'm about 4 years younger than everyone and it was just so uncomfortable. I then had to follow Air Force Guy to the movies where I paid for my ticket to see some GI Joe movie I really didn't want to see. I kept my mouth shut even though the guys didn't while rating every girl who showed up on the screen. Longest night of my life.

Dating in college is really weird. Especially if the guy lives right down the hall from you and sees you in the dinning hall, hung over with last nights make up still on, struggling to order an omelet. This guy was really nice. Like bring me frozen yogurt on a bad day kind of nice. And since girls always get crap for putting guys in the friend zone, I really wanted to give him a chance. He drove us to this really nice Mexican place in town and kept talking about how dinner was going to be on him. I appreciated it! But I really wanted to talk about other things. Dinner was just thoroughly awkward and in his car on the way back to the dorms he asked me to be his girlfriend. In fear that he might crash the car if I said no, I told him yes. It obviously didn't last long but the situation was a nightmare.

This isn't technically a first date, but a horror story in avoiding a first date. We'll call him DJ because I met him when he was a DJ at a party my roommate and I were at. He was pretty nice and invited me back to his place where there was a lot more free alcohol for this crazy party girl. I gave him my number and went home alone. We texted a bit and DJ asked me to go out with him for Valentines day. I said sure but as the day got closer I realized I really wasn't comfortable with it. DJ did not take it very well. The next weekend he saw me at a party and followed me out with a group of his friends. Begged me to go back to his place to talk to him. He locked his door, keeping my friends out and offering them money to leave us alone. He had a vase of dead flowers he had saved that were apparently supposed to be mine. And he went on and on about how he rented out an entire restaurant on State St for us and I bailed. What a psycho. I got out of there and never saw the guy again.



To say I've been on some rough dates is obviously a joke. Even though I'm only twenty, there have been plenty of times where I felt like the only girl who goes through this crap and I'm going to have to settle for some loser who saves dead flowers. But the truth of the matter is that you never know when somebody who is genuinely nice will walk into your life. I guess through all of this I've realized that when it comes to dating, it's important to give people a chance but to always trust your gut. You may be surprised in who can restore your faith in humanity.

Much love,
Jen



Monday, May 12, 2014

Why is someone being gay "breaking news"

If you own a computer, phone, internet connection, or a television in America, I'm sure you've heard of Michael Sam. Voted SEC co-defensive player of the year, Michael is making headlines by being the first openly gay male to be drafted into the NFL. The Saint Louis Rams have shook up American football in a big way.

As a traveler and reader, I find it interesting to hear the perception of America from others. Even as an American and former cheerleader who had plenty of time under the Friday night lights, there is always a stereotype with sports. Big huge burly men screaming at the television for a fumble or something. Lots of beer, lots of yelling, lots of being an American. Nothing wrong with that, and this does not apply to everyone.

Being gay is such a huge issue in America. These big huge American guys who clutch their guns under their pillow at night, in fear that Obama will take it away from them, generally seem to have an issue with the same gender being in a relationship. They believe gay marriage should not be legalized and there is no place for it in their favorite sport.

Yes, this is America. There are many people here who still fly their confederate flag high in the air and believe the Holocaust never even happened. When a celebrity comes out, it is a giant commotion. My god, when Ellen Page came out it was all I saw for a solid week. There is a new show on Mtv called "Faking It" and the entire story line is based around pretending to be a lesbian. Why does our society believe being gay is that interesting?

You like girls with blue eyes? Awesome! You like guys with southern accents? Fantastic! You like someone of the same gender? Congrats! Why is it such a big deal?

I don't spend hours discussing how I like European guys. Why should we spend hours discussing someone else's relationship in any way shape or form? It doesn't matter if you agree with that persons views or not. Unless what you're doing is going to hurt me or affect me in some way, it doesn't matter.

I hope if I have kids someday, being gay won't be such a big deal. Where it's just part of somebody's life. Not breaking news. Michael Sam should be making headlines for being the amazing athlete he is, not because he is in a relationship with another man. Ellen Page should be holding press conferences for the amazing work she does, not to announce she is gay. Because it doesn't matter. The sun will still rise tomorrow. I'll get in my car and drive to Starbucks. Study for a test and check the stats on my blog. All while having an openly gay player in the NFL.

Life will still go on.

Much love,
Jen