Oh Amsterdam

It's currently 3:30 am here in Holland. But my head thinks it 6:30 pm like it is back home. My heads kind of fuzzy from our bar hopping last night (and I can say that because that's legal for me here). So this post may not be written in my normal poetic manner so bare with me.

I love it here. I love the Dutch people, I love how laid back it is, I love the shocked looked I get when I say I'm an American (in a good way). I put mayo on my frites and drank a Guinness while I just sat and people watched. 

The guy at immigration asked me 2 questions and smiled at me and wished me good luck. I obviously haven't been to many other countries but I'm pretty sure that will be the easiest time I'll have in immigration. Everyone here seems to want to share the love. At least through my tourist googles it looks that way. 

As an American I've tried to brace myself for how I could be treated here in Europe. I don't know exactly what Europeans think but to be honest, if I grew up outside of America, I wouldn't love Americans either. I was talking to a local guy who lives outside Amsterdam and I asked if he's ever been to America. He told me that going into the USA, they want to know everything about you. And in his words he said "maybe I drank and drive a few times, I got to Miami and they put me right back on a plane headed back to the Netherlands" or something like that because it was loud! 

Oh America. How I love you and your patritoism. But c'mon. I think we could be a little friendlier to other countries. Especially the Dutch. I like the Dutch!! I love how I can sit at a table by myself and be approached by a guy. Does not happen at home. I love the look of amazement when I say I'm from LA. One guy asked if I ride and skateboard and wear a bikini 24/7. I love how they actually do kiss you on the cheek 3 times when you say goodbye (does not just happen in movies). 

And I have to note it on the record. The prostetutes here in the red light district are gorgeous!!! I would not be able to compete with European women. That's for sure. 

So this is my worst blog yet but that's okay. I just wanted somewhere to put these thoughts and be able to look back and cringe. We're leaving for Germany in a few hours so we'll see what happens next

Much love, 

Jen

Goodbye Los Angeles!

As I'm laying on the floor near my gate here at LAX I can't help but smile. A few months ago I was devastated because my wonderful "dream trip" to England and our pit stop in Paris were gone. 

Here I am. Gate 28. Passport and boarding pass in hand. And I'm going to Amsterdam! And Heidelberg where there will be real castles! And Lucerne! And finally my dreams of Paris are coming true.

But the best part? I'm not with someone who could leave me stranded at the airport. I'm with my family. Even though my brother and I fight like crazy, were going to have a lot of fun exploring the nightlife in Amsterdam. And when I get to the top of the Eiffel Tower, I'll be with the one man who has always been there to protect me, my dad :)

I'm excited to see what my posts will be in the next week, and I hope you all are looking forward to them too

Much love. Or au revior!!!

Jen

How not going to England was the best thing to happen to me

A lot of you know what happened in November.
Some of you probably think you know what happened.
And most of you probably don't care.

After I came back from New York in August I had planned to transfer to a University in LA. This was all supposed to be taken care of when I was at camp. I came home and nothing was ready for me to go and I was getting calls from admissions asking if I was still coming. My parents decided I need to move home and take a semester off. That's the long story short.

I can honestly say I had never felt so depressed. I was a nineteen year old who had spent the summer being an adult figure to 15 kids and finishing my freshman year of school in the top 5 college party town in America, to coming home and living with my mom where I had no friends and a boyfriend on a different continent.

The only thing I was looking forward to was going to England and finally feeling that same warm, happy feeling inside that I had been longing for since the summer. I spent every dollar I owned and borrowed money from my mom to buy my ticket. 3 weeks in England was just a few months away and I felt like I could almost touch it.

The purpose of this blog isn't to talk trash. So I need everyone to understand that before I go forward.

He lied. About a lot of things. The most important one is that he no longer liked me, but another girl. Now that's not what upsets me. What upsets me is that he didn't bother to tell me this. Even after I bought my ticket to fly there.

This post isn't about my previous relationship so I will stop it there.


I canceled my ticket. Got 90% of my money back (thank god or this blog would probably have a different tone).  And it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me.

First off, what a nightmare it would be to fly to another country and get dumped there. Whenever I think of London I would have nothing but bad memories. And let me tell you, when I finally get there, I am going to do nothing but smile because I'm there for the right reasons. I learned that at 19 you can depend on very few people. When you're at a low point in your life and you have people who just listen and don't say things like "you need to forgive and forget, you did it to yourself" then you need to squeeze them and never let them go.

I think one of the most important things I learned is how much power I have in my own happiness. It took me a while but I don't sit in my room wondering "whyyyyyyy?!?!?!" anymore. I am doing absolutely amazing in school, better than I've ever done in my life. I have friends in my classes and I've started reconnecting with old friends near me. I understand that I deserve a guy who doesn't only like me when he's able to use my pool. And I've done all these things by myself. Nobody else can take that away from me.

Not going ended up being a blessing in disguise. I'll get there some day and finally visit all my amazing friends who were kind enough to offer to let me stay with them when I thought I was going to be a stupid American stranded at Heathrow. Maybe this winter, maybe 5 years from now. But when I go it'll be for all the right reasons.

Now I need to go and start packing for the trip I've been dreaming about for months (I leave in 2 days eeeeeek!!!!)

Much love,
Jen.

Why the idea of getting married is so unappealing

*DISCLAIMER* This is my blog with my personal views. It is not meant to offended or hurt anyone.

For those of you who didn't grow up with me, I am from a relatively small town. My first high school had a graduating class of around 80 people. Most of them had been my classmates since kindergarten.

I lost count of how many of these people are now pregnant and/or married. 

How did this happen? One day we're at winter ball dancing all night and the next day it seems like everyone's starting their own families. 

So I have decided to come up with a list of reasons why getting married seems like the most unappealing idea ever (or for like the next 5-10 years)

- Getting married at city hall makes me cringe

When I picture my wedding, I see a sunset and twinkly lights. No fluorescent lighting and a stranger officiating. Which leads me to my next point

-I can't afford a wedding yet

If I got engaged tomorrow and asked my parents to help me pay for a wedding...well I can only imagine the laughter. I can't afford the wedding of my dreams without their help. And to get that they have to be on board with the idea. 

-I sure as hell can't afford a honeymoon I want

I'm a girl who loves to travel. A honeymoon to somewhere local is not the way I want I celebrate my new marriage. The start of a new journey deserves to be somewhere like Fiji or Greece :) tropical and exotic!!

-I'm going to be really drunk

I want to sip champagne with my friends and family. I want to have an open bar and have one big party. And let me tell you...my family knows how to have a good time when it's time to party. Apple cider won't cut it. 

-I'm pretty useless

To my future husband: I'm really sorry. I can't cook anything without a microwave. I still have a hard time sorting laundry. I have a bad habit of leaving a mess wherever I go. The idea of being domesticated makes me gag a little. Get the picture?

-I love my personal space 

I pretty much lived with my boyfriend last summer. We shared a bathroom and room and saw each other every freaking day for 8 weeks. We drove each other nuts!!! This is truly a sign I am no where close to being mature enough to wake up to the same face every day for eternity. 

-I'm so immature

I mean HELLO!! I'm the youngest kid in my family and I still depend on mommy and daddy for a lot. I spend my summers playing dress up and singing songs and swimming in the pool with 7 year olds. How am I supposed to commit my life to someone when I'm not ready to be a grown up yet. 

-I haven't seen enough of the world yet

Due to unfortunate events in the past few months, I have learned to NEVER fly to another continent specifically for a guy. If I go to Australia or Israel or Botswana on my next trip, it's going to be for me. Besides, you don't want to have your trip of a lifetime tarnished with a bad break up. 

-I have no idea what I'm doing with my life 

This kind of relates to being immature. But on a serious note, I'm trying to figure out who I am. I have had some serious set backs in the past year. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I don't know what I'm going to wear tomorrow let alone where I'll be 5 years from now. It is so important to me that I get some grasp on this thing called life before dragging some poor guy down with me ;)

-When I get married, I want it to be the only time 

Of course there is no way to tell what will happen in the future. The divorce rate for people who get married under the age of 25 is 80%!!!!!!!!! As a child who watched her parents go through the painful process of divorce, I want to do everything in my power to avoid that. 

-I haven't met my dream guy who's pre med and comes from a long line of royalty

A girl can dream

So that's that. As my 20th birthday approaches and I feel like the most undateable girl in the world (this post absolutely did not work in my favor to fix that) I am content with taking my time and letting destiny work itself out. If you are one of the lucky ones who married their high school sweetheart, or the 20% of marriages that don't get divorced, you have my absolute respect and I hope one day to find a love like yours. 

Who knows. I could bump into a kind stranger tomorrow and I'll be the girl someone bitches about in their blog. 

Much love,

Jen