A lot of you know what happened in November.
Some of you probably think you know what happened.
And most of you probably don't care.
After I came back from New York in August I had planned to transfer to a University in LA. This was all supposed to be taken care of when I was at camp. I came home and nothing was ready for me to go and I was getting calls from admissions asking if I was still coming. My parents decided I need to move home and take a semester off. That's the long story short.
I can honestly say I had never felt so depressed. I was a nineteen year old who had spent the summer being an adult figure to 15 kids and finishing my freshman year of school in the top 5 college party town in America, to coming home and living with my mom where I had no friends and a boyfriend on a different continent.
The only thing I was looking forward to was going to England and finally feeling that same warm, happy feeling inside that I had been longing for since the summer. I spent every dollar I owned and borrowed money from my mom to buy my ticket. 3 weeks in England was just a few months away and I felt like I could almost touch it.
The purpose of this blog isn't to talk trash. So I need everyone to understand that before I go forward.
He lied. About a lot of things. The most important one is that he no longer liked me, but another girl. Now that's not what upsets me. What upsets me is that he didn't bother to tell me this. Even after I bought my ticket to fly there.
This post isn't about my previous relationship so I will stop it there.
I canceled my ticket. Got 90% of my money back (thank god or this blog would probably have a different tone). And it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me.
First off, what a nightmare it would be to fly to another country and get dumped there. Whenever I think of London I would have nothing but bad memories. And let me tell you, when I finally get there, I am going to do nothing but smile because I'm there for the right reasons. I learned that at 19 you can depend on very few people. When you're at a low point in your life and you have people who just listen and don't say things like "you need to forgive and forget, you did it to yourself" then you need to squeeze them and never let them go.
I think one of the most important things I learned is how much power I have in my own happiness. It took me a while but I don't sit in my room wondering "whyyyyyyy?!?!?!" anymore. I am doing absolutely amazing in school, better than I've ever done in my life. I have friends in my classes and I've started reconnecting with old friends near me. I understand that I deserve a guy who doesn't only like me when he's able to use my pool. And I've done all these things by myself. Nobody else can take that away from me.
Not going ended up being a blessing in disguise. I'll get there some day and finally visit all my amazing friends who were kind enough to offer to let me stay with them when I thought I was going to be a stupid American stranded at Heathrow. Maybe this winter, maybe 5 years from now. But when I go it'll be for all the right reasons.
Now I need to go and start packing for the trip I've been dreaming about for months (I leave in 2 days eeeeeek!!!!)
Much love,
Jen.
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